It's time to remind myself (again) of the progress I've made. Most days, I feel like exactly the same person I was when I was 24. When I think about my weight, and how I lost it only to put it all back on again, I think I've only moved backwards. But some days, I'm able to pinpoint small steps forward.
- This month, even when I lost all motivation to do anything for a week, I still managed to cook for myself. Real meals that involved vegetables and actual time invested in chopping and stirring and cooking.
- I've been reading on the train pretty regularly, instead of starting a book and then losing interest for days at a time.
- I bought new shoes (because the old ones were uncomfortable and falling apart) and new clothes (because they were falling apart to, and also to replace some of the more unflattering elements of my wardrobe with something better). In doing so, I found a top I'd forgotten I had.
- This year, I've been paying the bills in a much more timely manner. I don't think I've had to have a single reminder yet.
For balance, there are also some things I still need to work on. I haven't quite got the hang of doing everything a responsible adult is supposed to do down yet. If I cook regularly and keep up with my hobby-commitments, then tidying my room will fall by the wayside, or I'll forget to pay bills on time. How do proper adults do everything?! I suspect it has to do with learning not to think in such an all or nothing way. It's okay not to reply to hobby-related e-mails immediately if that means I can tidy. Doing every thing ever day makes me feel resentful of how much of my time I'm giving up, so I need to learn to spread it out.
Maybe I'll try having half an hour when I get home when I'm not allowed to immediately dive into the thing I most want to do, and instead have to find something that needs doing.